Gwenivere, the Stalker Chick

[Amancio Calzadilla]

*Credits for this go to Kristin Chenoweth, whoever wrote "Taylor the Latte Boy's Rebuttal", and Ben Hensley for being an amazing singer.*


So, today, I received an owl from this girl. I think she has a crush on me; yes, I can tell she has a crush on me that is too big too ignore.

Amancio, the Herbology guy,
bring me magic,
make me fly,
Amancio, the herbology guy,
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Love always, Gwen

Last night, she followed me the whole way home. As I ran to try to lose her, I composed another version of her poem.

Gwenivere, the Charms teacher,
You made me cookies
Oh, what a horror
Gwenivere, the Charms teacher,
You scare me, you scare me, you scare me.

You know, I used to be the kind of guy who never was rude or doubting, but now I've got this lunatic freak in my life. Every night outside my door, she's shouting, "Amancio, the Herbology guy!"

"Go home! I'm not your guy! Oh, Amancio, the Herbology guy, is calling, is calling... the Headmaster."

Many a girl had let me court her. Never did I need a restraining order.

Gwenivere, come find me now. I'm transferring to a new school.
There's fifty, more or less, so good luck.

Signed,
Amancio Calzadilla