Freya Solheim
Third Year
Slytherin
"All is fair in love and war. Lie. Love is much more complicated."
Posts: 13
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Post by Freya Solheim on Aug 10, 2010 22:29:22 GMT -5
"Yeah, shove off."
He started to walk away. She knew that he was having a rough day, but that gave him no right to refuse a perfectly good apology. She chased after him, and pushed him roughly from behind. She was yelling now.
"I try and apologize and you tell me to shove off! Du er slik en Dust. Hvorfor ikke du bare godtar min unnskyldning slik at vi kan både være på vei? Jeg tilgir deg. Det er ikke så vanskelig. Prøve den."
She turned on the blonde boy. She was still fuming, but she was as nice as she could be towards him.
"I will give you some time alone, as soon as he accepts my heart-felt apology. Gutter er idioter."
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Post by Astin Descartes on Aug 10, 2010 22:55:03 GMT -5
"Yeah, shove off." And with that, Dastan started walking off.
With a sigh, Astin followed. He and Dastan needed to talk, and he was sure Das was aware of this, too. Maybe they could head to the Astronomy Tower; Dastan loved that place, and Astin wanted to make this as painless as possible. Or perhaps they should head to the Room of Requirement. Dastan seemed like he could use a warm cup of tea and a nap, and Astin could use a rest, too. The night had been absolutely horrible.
And then that girl was following them, and then she actually pushed Dastan. Appalled, Astin could do nothing except stare as she burst into a rant.
"I try and apologize and you tell me to shove off! Du er slik en Dust. Hvorfor ikke du bare godtar min unnskyldning slik at vi kan både være på vei? Jeg tilgir deg. Det er ikke så vanskelig. Prøve den."
Astin clenched his fists. No one touched Dastan without his express written consent. That was uncalled for.
"I will give you some time alone, as soon as he accepts my heart-felt apology. Gutter er idioter."
Her talking to him snapped him out of his trance, and soon he had his wand out and against the hollow of her throat. "Don't you ever lay another finger on him again, or I swear to god I will take off those fingers," he threatened.
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Post by Dastan Cross on Aug 10, 2010 23:05:31 GMT -5
Dastan froze when the girl actually had the audacity to shove him. His whole body stiffened with tension, and he knew that he was about to do something he would regret. He was going to hurt her for touching him. But, apparently, he didn't need to, because suddenly Astin had out his wand and he was pointing it at the girl's throat.
"Don't you ever lay another finger on him again, or I swear to god I will take off those fingers," Astin threatened.
Dastan was taken aback for a moment, but then he remembered how Astin had acted when faced up against Dolohov, and that man was a thousand times more dangerous than this transfer brat.
"Apology not accepted," Dastan ground out, "Oh, and in the future, if you want someone to accept a fucking apology, don't shove them. Just some friendly advice." Poison laced the word 'friendly,' and Dastan reached out and grabbed Astin's hand, forcing him to point the wand away from the girl's throat and then dragging him into a classroom.
He locked the door behind him magically and then cast a charm to prevent any kind of eavesdropping, knowing then that it wouldn't be interrupted; alohamora would not work, so now, he and Astin could have some much-needed time to talk. "So," Dastan prompted, waiting for Astin to let it all out now that they had some level of privacy.
He wasn't so stupid as to think he wouldn't have a few choice words of his own, but he felt he owed it to Astin to let the other boy speak first.
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Freya Solheim
Third Year
Slytherin
"All is fair in love and war. Lie. Love is much more complicated."
Posts: 13
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Post by Freya Solheim on Aug 10, 2010 23:15:03 GMT -5
When the blonde boy pointed his wand at her throat, Freya froze mostly in anger.
"Don't you ever lay another finger on him again, or I swear to god I will take off those fingers."
"Apology not accepted. Oh, and in the future, if you want someone to accept a fucking apology, don't shove them. Just some friendly advice."
They both ran off into a nearby classroom. She couldn't move. She was so angry, she was frozen in place. She ran up to the door they went through and placed a large kick against its wooden surface. She released a half scream halfcry of anger. And yelled to them at the top of her voice.
"I was just trying to apogize. If you were not such and jerk, then I would never have shoved you. Oh, and about that stick. You may want to pull it out of you good-for-nothing whiny bitchy little ass!"
With that, she stalked off in search of her commonroom; muttering under her breath in her foreign tongue Now more than ever, she missed Durmstrang.
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Post by Astin Descartes on Aug 10, 2010 23:28:19 GMT -5
Astin crossed his arms and looked at the ground; inside, he was still seething with anger. He couldn't believe this.
"You shouldn't have stopped me. With any luck, they would have expelled me and I'd be out of your way." Frustrated, Astin began to pace. "I can't believe you'd even do this to me. I just... I'm so fucking embarrassed. Do you even..." Astin groaned, leaning against a desk. He felt like an idiot. A big, stupid, bumbling idiot.
"You can't just do that to people," he said, his voice cracking again. He'd thought that somehow Dastan could have felt the same, even if he hadn't always been aware of it. But seeing him kissing someone else was too painful for words. Dastan didn't want to kiss him, but he was okay with kissing random kids? Astin didn't know how he hadn't seen this coming. It wasn't like Das had ever really encouraged kissing, so what made Astin think that any of it had meant something? Come to think of it, Dastan only kissed back whenever he had to keep Astin from leaving. Oh god, he really was an idiot.
Biting his lip, Astin looked as far away from Dastan as he could. Why did he keep doing this to himself? Why was he such an idiot?
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Post by Dastan Cross on Aug 10, 2010 23:35:12 GMT -5
"You can't just do that to people."
Dastan folded his arms and leaned back against a desk. "You did," he pointed out, almost coldly. He was scared of what he was feeling, scared of what this would lead to. Terrified, even. He had wanted to prove to himself that kissing didn't matter. But it did. It did when it was with Astin, at least. He felt like fireworks exploded inside of him every time Astin's lips pressed against his, even though he would try and fight it. Other kisses didn't even come close to doing that to him.
Merlin, what was he going to do about this? He couldn't give into those emotions. Not when he'd worked so hard to get Astin to stop thinking of him the way he did. He was being a hypocrite, a raving bloody hypocrite and it just made himself that much more unfit for Astin. Why couldn't he just be happy? Why couldn't anything be simple?
He was dying inside. Dying to tell Astin how badly he needed and loved him. Dying to disappear from all of the humiliation that he'd been through that day. But he couldn't, because, again, Astin deserved better. Dastan had wanted to prove to himself that kissing didn't mean anything; all that had managed to prove was that kissing Astin was the only thing that did, and he couldn't have it like that. Didn't deserve to have it like that, either.
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Post by Rosemarie Willington on Aug 10, 2010 23:37:47 GMT -5
((OOC- I am replying to Xing's post I am sorries it soooo Late computer problems. XD Sorries it a smallish post. Library sounds good to me. I've actually been in the library and awful lot lately. As you can probably tell. I've been studying a lot. Trying to get better. She said. Rose felt like she had to explain why she had so many book, but really didn't want to give away to much. She didn't like telling people that she wanted to be better because she didn't like everyone else doing everything for her. She thought it sounded nerdy, but really that why she been getting into the more advanced stuff. I'll probably be there all week this week if you just want to swing by. Not to many people are there during the afternoons, that when its most quiet and probably the best time to come by. Otherwise there lots people walking around and it can get a little... scary Rose never like bug crowds ever. Her family was huge and being around to many people made her feel crowd and self conscious. Rose was shock when one of the prefects cam up and kissed Xing, and then was about to give them detention for being out to late. Good thing some girl came by and detracted him, Xing still looked a bit shocked. Rose did't want to stick around and get detention and she didn't think Xing did either. Rose grabbed the horrified Xing and pulled him down another corridor before the prefect could turn back around at them, Rose was good at getting out of trouble, either running or talking her way out of it, but considering the fact that the prefect had kissed Xing and not her she didn't think her innocent act would work to well. Maybe we should get to bed before...Uh the prefect find us. Here let me get those from you. Rose said holding out her arms for the books that Xing some how was still carrying. She looked at him, she smiled trying to be supportive. I am sorry I almost got you in trouble. She said. Rose started thinking she should have just walked back by herself, Xing wouldn't be here, he'd probably already back in his dorm room asleep.
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Post by Griffin Sosario on Aug 10, 2010 23:52:08 GMT -5
Griffin couldn't believe he was walking with the most beautiful girl in school at his arm. As he walked her back to her common room, his suit kept clanking noisily. He looked down at Eirwyn, she was so pretty in that blue dress. As they walked by a window, he noticed how late it was. The corradors were nearly empty. He bet that they were out past curfew.
"Eriwyn, do you know what time it is? I think we may have stayed out too late."
Just as he spoke these words he saw one of the professors walking towards them.
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Post by Astin Descartes on Aug 10, 2010 23:52:21 GMT -5
"You did."
"That's not fair," Astin said quietly, "You were the one who told me I couldn't wait for you. But dammit, if you don't want to be with me, just say so. Don't lie to me and lead me on and kiss someone else when you think I'm not looking. Don't make up excuses and make me look like an idiot."
Astin ran a hand through his hair yet again. He hated himself more than ever now. Dastan had played him, and he'd fallen for it just like he'd fallen for Das, because he was a fucking idiot. His mom had told him not to get too attached to Dastan, and he'd brushed off her advice. He'd thought she didn't know what she was talking about, but he'd been wrong. He'd been wrong about a lot of things, it seemed.
"I hate you," Astin said, wrapping his arms around himself self-consciously. "I hate you and your stupid hair and I hate that I can't hate you no matter how much I try, over and over again. I... I tried to get away twice, tried to keep myself from getting hurt. I couldn't do it. I can't leave you, and I hate you for it because it makes me hate myself. I..." Astin choked on his next words. He couldn't say them. He couldn't tell Dastan how he really felt, not now. He couldn't say those three words; that secret would go with him to the grave.
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Post by Dastan Cross on Aug 11, 2010 0:08:43 GMT -5
"I hate you. I hate you and your stupid hair and I hate that I can't hate you no matter how much I try, over and over again. I... I tried to get away twice, tried to keep myself from getting hurt. I couldn't do it. I can't leave you, and I hate you for it because it makes me hate myself. I..."
Each word was like a knife being jabbed repeatedly into him. Astin had told him that he hated him before, and he'd told him a lot of the other stuff in other ways, too. But to think that he made Astin hate himself? Dastan wanted to die all over again. He should die. He should disappear from Astin's life forever and forget about everything and let the boy have a normal life. He'd tried it before, but Astin had come for him. What was he supposed to do? Astin wanted to hate him; wanted to leave him, but if he made Astin hate himself, how could he justify staying? And it hurt too bad to leave.
"I didn't ever intend to lead you on, Astin. I don't see how I have in the past. I have told you that I don't want to be with you." Liar. "Granted, I don't want to be with that kid either. I only kissed him to see if kissing meant anything and came to the conclusion that no, it didn't mean anything. Not with that kid. But what do you want from me? I'll do almost anything for you, Astin. Anything. I don't want you hating yourself. Merlin, I don't. I do enough of the whole broody, self-hate thing to last us both a life-time."
Dastan swallowed thickly. "Tell me what you want. If you tell me to leave, I'll turn around and I'll never look back. Tell me to stay, and I will be a steadfast companion to you. But if you tell me to be with you, romantically, I can't do it. I can't. So don't wait for me. Move on with your life, and for Merlin's sake, stop hating yourself, because I would rather die than see you think that you're anything less than what you are. But you can't blame me for kissing someone else when you did the same thing. It isn't fair and you know it."
Dastan leveled his eyes on Astin and waited to see what the blonde's response would be. He didn't know what he was hoping for.
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Post by Eirwyn Lyla Hall on Aug 11, 2010 0:18:25 GMT -5
Eirwyn tossed her hair back; after the dancing and excitement of the night, it was unbearably warm on her neck. Her hand rested lightly on Griffin's arm, the perfect picture of a Pureblood heiress. Except Griffin wasn't a Pureblood, of course. But since when had matters like blood stopped her from doing what she wanted to do?
"Eirwyn, do you know what time it is? I think we may have stayed out too late."
Eirwyn had opened her mouth to answer, and then she saw the professor walking toward them. From the look on his face, the answer was definitely "past curfew."
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Post by Astin Descartes on Aug 11, 2010 0:41:19 GMT -5
Astin took a deep breath. "I know. I know you can't and it isn't fair. I know that. I just... I don't know what I want. I want you, but I can't stand you and I hate it. I hate that I have no fucking idea what I want from you. I don't know anything anymore. The only thing I do know is that I need you. I don't want to, but I do. I'm sorry." Astin's throat closed up as he held back tears. He wasn't going to cry again. He cried too much in front of Dastan. He was going to break this filthy habit if it was the last thing he did.
Continuing, his voice thick despite all efforts to hold back any sign of how hurt he was, Astin said, "Can't I just pretend for five minutes that things will go my way, just once? Just let me have this delusion. I know it's wrong and it's stupid, but I don't care." It was stupid to think that, but believing that he could have Dastan made life that much more bearable. His feelings were getting out of hand, and Das was starting to become all he wanted out of life. If he was forced to come to the realization that it would never happen, he didn't know what he'd do. Something drastic, for sure.
Astin hated himself for this, too. He always did this. He always pushed Dastan to the edge until there was nothing left, and then he hurt both of them when they finally cracked. And that hurt even more, because that meant that he didn't deserve Dastan. He didn't let anyone hurt Das, but in reality, he was worse than them, wasn't he? He was a billion times worse.
But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't leave. He wished he could. He'd surely tried before; he'd tried to leave Hogwarts to get away from the pain. But that didn't change the fact that he was firmly in Dastan's grasp. Even though he tried to be the one in control, he was wrapped around Dastan's finger and he wasn't going anywhere. He was an idiot. He should have left while he'd had the chance. He should have never made that promise to stay.
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Post by Dastan Cross on Aug 11, 2010 1:01:40 GMT -5
"Can't I just pretend for five minutes that things will go my way, just once? Just let me have this delusion. I know it's wrong and it's stupid, but I don't care."
"You're not making any sense, Astin. You tell me that you need to move on and then you beg me to let you not move on. You tell me you wish you could leave, but then you tell me that you need me. I just don't know what to do for you and it kills me. I've told you a million times that I'm not good for you; that will never change. If I were, then this wouldn't be happening right now. We wouldn't be killing each other slowly with our words."
Dastan wanted to hold Astin. Wanted to crush him to his chest and hold him close and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But would that be leading him on? Dastan wasn't used to being a considerate person. Quite the contrary, he usually did as he pleased no matter what. But seeing Astin so broken over this...he didn't want to make it hurt more. It was impossible for him not to hurt him at all.
Merlin, this was painful.
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Post by Astin Descartes on Aug 11, 2010 1:18:10 GMT -5
"Nothing you make me feel makes any sense. It never has. Everything I feel when I'm around you is a contradiction in itself. But then... you do something ridiculous, something that makes me believe that somehow I can do this, like just holding my hand, and everything falls back into place. I've never felt this way before, and I don't know what to do about it. I know what I want to do about it," he said almost as an after-thought, "But I can't do that, either."
Astin's heart ached like never before. He needed Dastan, needed him to hold him and lie to him and tell him everything would be okay in the morning. He needed something to believe in, because lately he couldn't trust himself even. He neeeded to believe in Dastan; that was all he could do. Maybe Dastan was right. Maybe they weren't good for each other. But if Astin was going to have anyone kill him with heartbreak, he wanted it to be Das.
Astin pushed off the desk and moved to wrap his arms around Dastan. "I know this is a lot to ask," he said quietly, burying his face in Dastan's robes, "But for just one night, can we pretend like we're going to be okay? Just for once, then we can go back to normal." Or whatever normal was when it came to them; Astin wasn't sure. But he wanted and needed this memory; he needed something to drive him to forget. Again, none of it made any sense. But the feeling of Dastan's arms around him were enough to make him believe he could do anything.
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Post by Dastan Cross on Aug 11, 2010 1:55:37 GMT -5
"But for just one night, can we pretend like we're going to be okay? Just for once, then we can go back to normal."
I want this to be normal, Dastan thought, his arms moving to hold Astin tightly. His heart was pounding painfully inside of him, blood pumping so hard through his body that he could feel it and wondered if he was pulsing physically or if it just felt that way. All of his thoughts, good and bad, disappeared as he held Astin. He buried his face in Astin's hair, taking in the scent of his shampoo and the way he fit so perfectly in his arms.
A daydream swept through his mind at this, an image of he and Astin holding each other on a peaceful hill that looked similar to one he'd seen on the Woodhouse grounds. If only life could be like that dream. In a dream, Dastan could hold Astin like this any time he wanted to. In a dream, they could love each other and never have to worry about anything besides how much they cared for one another. In a dream, everything could end happily, with them being old and gray and all of their demons successfully removed from their lives.
But this wasn't a dream. This was reality, and in reality, Dastan was probably going to die at a young age, either because he failed in his goals, or because of his self-destructive tendencies and needless risks. "I wish things could be normal between us. But they never will be, Astin. Certainly not with me," he whispered, "If you want normal, then you are definitely better off moving on, because I will never be that."
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